And I forgot to make plans.
A question that tends to kickstart most of my Monday morning meetings: ‘What are you up to this week?’ Me being me, I imagined we’d talk about yet another Netflix series we were watching, or another lockdown walk we’d be going on at the weekend.
Instead, the responses were, ‘going to the pub’, ‘going shopping’, ‘going for a pre-booked drink’. It hit me like a ton of bricks, the roadmap to lockdown lifting has begun and I’d completely forgotten to do anything about it. My mum has actually had more of a social life this week than me – not a dig, but still. [Love you mum].
My first day in our more open world panned out to be pretty much, the exact same as any other day in lockdown. I logged into work at 9:20am, worked til 5:30pm, watched yet another episode of Greys Anatomy and caught myself staring out the window more than once.
Did I really forgot lockdown was easing? Really?
The weather was on my side that day, it was freezing. Surely no-one would be out living their best lives. But, towards the end of the day, social media kindly reminded me the world has infact, reopened. Photos of friends and family boomeranging their pubs drinks, wearing their best clothes – it looked dare I say, fun.
I couldn’t help but wonder that maybe I’d ‘intentionally’ forgotten to pencil anything in?’
I’ve been really lucky to work from home the past few lockdowns. I’ve become quite accustomed to my home comforts and my routine. I’ve gotten used to spending time alone. Lots of time alone. Dating has been weird and I’m over it. So. Over. It.
I speak to my friends and family daily. Of course, my work colleagues over teams. Yes, I enjoy facetimes and make a point of doing this on a regular basis to keep those connections strong and ensure I’m actually talking to others out loud. But I think I’ve become a bit of a hermit. My social anxiety has sky rocketed at times.
I made a real conscious effort to stop watching the news. I was getting so bogged down by the constant stream of sadness but that has also meant I’ve paid little attention to the world opening up around me.
I thought maybe it was me being really disorganised but actually, I’m quite an organised person. I really learnt who my people were during lockdown so my roadmap to figuring out how to navigate out of this is to do it slowly and surround myself with my people. Nothing too crazy and nothing too quickly.
I’m desperate for a wax and a boujee brunch, so I’ll probably start there. I will not be defeated by this never-ending pandemic.
Slowly, I’ll ease myself back in. Maybe I’ll get on a train and go to London. But also, maybe not. I really want to get back to feeling OKAY with the real world again to avoid scuttling back to my flat and retreating from the world.
Maybe it’s a good thing I accidentally on purpose forgot to book anything. Its given me breathing space. This week has been a really challenging one, but I’m removing some of the presure I’ve been feeling by writing this.
Hopefully, I’ll see some of your lovely faces out there. And please know, if you’re feeling the same, you are NOT alone. We got this.